Herein lies an epic fail at punctual blogging:

Wow. It's been over a month... sorry? If I had a sword, I would fall on it. Sam has a really awkward collection of Swiss Army Knife type things, maybe one of them has a sword attachment... I'll get back to you on this. 

But all is repaired, because when a young lady promises her grandmother that she's gonna update her blog, she'd darn tootin' better do it! Now I feel compelled at this juncture to make a confession: I had, for some time, kept a word document on the desk top that I would jot things down in every now and then, so I don't forget them. It has, apparently, disappeared. So I'll be doing this from memory. At least I have plenty to talk about this posting!

First and most importantly, I FINALLY HAVE A FULL TIME JOB!

*insert showers of confetti and a complicated marching band dance routine here*

It is a nannying job, which I suppose should be disappointing, but I love it. I love it so much. This family is basically what I want for myself in ten years or so, down to the apartment, the jobs, the baby, everything. I take care of little 4 month old Eliza (her parents call her E.J., but I prefer Eliza. Sometimes Miss Doolittle.). She lives in an apartment building called "The Villa Charlotte Bronte," which is a fancy building on the banks of the Hudson river designed to look like a old stone, ivy covered farmhouse, but is in fact ingeniously designed two story apartments. I wants it. I wants it real bad. There will be pictures and more about all of this as time passes, I'm sure. And so, on to other more random things!

- This link has been amusing me for approaching two weeks now. I couldn't really tell you why... I think Rusy Grier's Needlepoint... For Men! is probably my favorite.

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/comedy-goldmine/real-books-photoshop.php

- The continuing Obama obsession in my neighborhood never fails to amuse me. It has also provided me with a New York first: I submitted something to Overheard in New York! (  http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/  )If you don't already read this page religiously, I highly recommend it. My submission, heard on my corner as I waited for the bus, went a little something like this (grown up language alert. Sorry grandmas.):

kid 1- man, I love that dog! Whatchu gonna name that dog?

kid 2- I dunno, like T-pain or something...

kid 1- What?! No! Fuck that shit! That is a cool dog.

kid 3- Dude, I know what you should name that dog! That dog's name be... OBAMA!

kid 1- Aw HELL YES!

I would like to point out that the dog in question was not with them at the time. There are no words for how much I wish it had been. Also, when I say "kid" I mean elementary school kid. They were, in fact, still in uniform. It was a such a great thing, I was happy for days, and with any luck it'll show up on the website in a week or two. I mean, how could it not??!!

- That reminds me, I was talking to my dear friend Erin via facebook the other day, and the following exchange made me so happy that I preserved it. Now all of you may enjoy it. Ahem:

Erin

let's roleplay

you be macbeth

and i'll be lady macbeth

and we can take over the internet

10:17pm

Amy

ok, here we go:

"wow, taking over the internet would be great! too bad i'm not evil. oh well!"

10:18pm

Erin

"oh, but you have great, untapped evil potential inside you my love"

"with me by your side...we can control every site on the web"

10:19pm

Amy

"funny you should say that, i ran in to these techno witches the other day..."

10:19pm

Erin

hahahahaha

i'm so glad you took my suggestion seriously

10:20pm

Amy

best. role play. ever

- Another important development that THAT conversation reminded me of: since coming to NYC, I have somehow greatly, greatly improved my skill at needlessly terrorizing myself. I have, on three separate occasions, imagined something so terrifying and just plausible enough that I'm still genuinely frightened and nervous about it. I give you my three horrible new inventions:

1- Water cockroaches. Somehow they can breath underwater and attack you while you're sitting on the toilet. Both terrifying AND gross.

2- Ceiling mice. Mice that become so ravenous they eat a whole in the ceiling in order to spy on you and then drop into your apartment at night. Like ninjas, but awful.

3- Pigeon choking. Since pigeons have no fear of humans, what if one of them decides to fly into my face so hard that I asphyxiate on it? Seriously, they do this terrifying helicopter hovering thing right at face level!

I refuse to drop any of these, and Sam has officially stopped listening to me talk about it. He did, however, just introduce me to the following clip, which gets TERRIFYINGLY RELEVANT in the last few seconds:

- My cousin Sarah, of Shepherd clan fame, visited for a couple days, which was a wonderful excuse to see Angela Lansbury on Broadway. And at 84, the old broad acted the pants off of everyone else on stage. We also visited China town for about twenty seconds, and left her on her own for nearly an entire day while we were at work. I am the best hostess ever. 

- Oh, and Joel and Steven visited. We didn't do much, but I learned how to un-choke a baby, and they got a hamburger. Did I mention I'm the best hostess ever?

- Oh, I also saw Susan Sarandon and Geoffery Rush in a play, and he shook his butt directly at my face. It was pretty glorious. 

- I'm reading the collected works of Neil Gaiman, Hans Christian Anderson, and The Brother's Grimm as research for the children's play I'm kind of sort of writing. I really need to finish something, though, cuz I've been really sucking at that particular step of the writing process so far. 

Ok, I think that's enough for this month. Next month: two posts! We'll see if I can make that happen. 

Love to all!